tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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