so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
tell me about the fingering
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