Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
