Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
