Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize