were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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