All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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