I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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