Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
