people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
