If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The uberlube is also flammable
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
