happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
