Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
