Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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