lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
