All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
