So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
