Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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