I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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