her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Four minutes until I can fart!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
