He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
