The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
