Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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