I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
