There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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