There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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