Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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