you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
