Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
