when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
