dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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