I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
