but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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