We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it glows. i had to have it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
