Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I supernannyed him into submission
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize