We won't sleep together?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
