This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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