I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
