my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
