btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
