I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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