his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
