it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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