Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
