she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
