ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
