sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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