I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
