You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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