Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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