There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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