why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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