i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
