Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
