What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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