I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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