On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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