so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
