The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
