New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
