Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize