saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
