She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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