felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
