what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
