I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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