Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
