I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
