obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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