even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This baby is an asshole
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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