Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
