as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize