You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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