Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
